why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
