I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
