Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
