It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
