Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize