you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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