Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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