I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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