Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
