I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
