worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
