Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize