Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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