Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
