he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
