I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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