no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
