Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
