I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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