Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize