he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
