I CAN MOONWALK!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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