the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
