I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
