hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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