fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
