why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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