Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
