what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
