So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
