3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
