she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
