I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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