i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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