I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
