get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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