update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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