these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
