Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
