I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My bed smells like the plague
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
