She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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