I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
