He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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