I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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