Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
