There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
