I forgot how hot balto sounded
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
