I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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