I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
