The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
