I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
