take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
