you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
