Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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