When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
