i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize