New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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