We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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