I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dick very happy bro
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
