i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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