Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
