I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
