Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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