So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
