o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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