checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
