yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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