just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
