I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
