You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
