i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My first STD was from a foam party
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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