just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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