I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
