just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
