Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
