Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
