They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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