I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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