I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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