Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
