Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You have to summon your inner elephant
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
