i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize