We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
