I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
