i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
