He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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