Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He kissed a someone with a penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
