Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
